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Chances
are that, if you're an average kid, the first decade of your life is all
about gaining new experiences and having a good time. In the protective
environment of a decent upbringing, you're unlikely to have too much concept
of other people's pain - whether physical or mental. You're going to get
upset yourself of course, through denial (you can't have that toy you
most desire, or you can't choose where to go on holiday) and through physical
pain (when you fall off your bike or out of a tree!). Life is a pleasure
zone with occasional dark creatures lurking in the shadows.
When you reach adolescence however, a new set of experiences, concerns
and worries hit you. Your personality is becoming more apparent at this
age and who you are will pretty much determine your direction in life.
Peer pressures may play an active part and greater responsibilities force
you into making decisions that you might prefer not to think about, or
at best leave altogether. No such luck! Society requires that you make
your own contribution in order to receive any rewards from it.
So there's going to come a time when you hit a crisis of confidence. And
this is likely to occur many times during your life as well as to those
around you. How do you deal with it and recognise it for what it is? The
gut-wrenching pain in your stomach when you're about to go for an interview
or face a similar situation of fear, will make you aware of impending
doom - real or otherwise. And you may actually find yourself rooted to
the spot, unable to move until the problem has passed. Denial is a more
serious reaction as you mentally alter the reality of the situation to
remove the elements of fear, although in a controlled manner this can
be beneficial.
Crises of confidence can result from many serious situations and the only
way forward in these cases, is to either seek professional help or talk
to someone having had a similar experience. But the frequent concerns
that 'turn the screw' and build pressures to an increasingly high level
as the day goes on, are just as damaging. The problem is how do you react
and how do you cope with the sometimes draining effect of other people's
lack of confidence?
Deconstructing the fear is one way of establishing how serious the problem
really is. By analysing your feelings and reactions, against those of
the situation you're involved in, you can arrive at a set of values. These
values can then be applied to the fears themselves. Are your perceptions
actually correct and do all people have the same expectations? Is the
level of experience and knowledge equal and if not, does it actually need
to be? Leaders are there to co-ordinate effort, not suppress one in favour
of another.
In a lot of cases arguments and subtle bullying are ways used by people
to disguise their own feelings of inadequacies. Having started down this
path, it is often difficult for either person to wipe the slate clean
and return to a rational state. But honesty cannot come under attack since
the questioning of what is true can only bring the argument back to the
protagonist. So despite the forbearance required to handle the personal
attack, it is always best to use language and discussion that does not
eliminate the fundamental truths. In this way a measure of self-confidence
is regained and can then be built upon.
The presumption that a situation must be always be engaged in, is not
necessarily the case. If it is not possible to acquire knowledge sufficiently
quickly, or alternative avenues be explored, then there is no reason to
create a situation for people to fail. A personal strategy, as well as
a group one can be developed that allows confidence levels to be equal
amongst all participants in the action. Even if the situation is only
applicable to a group of two people, an involved discussion will more
than likely rationalise fears in both cases. The consequence is a level
of confidence that can be understood and built upon now and for the future.
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