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What attracts us to someone we pass in the street, meet socially, or
even work with as a colleague? And we all meet someone who touches our
heart strings! Is it their overall physique, the colour of their hair,
the look of their face, the way they move or something intangible that
recalls a pleasurable time in our past? Maybe it's all of these, but at
this point of attraction, it is entirely visual.
As we get to know the person, we gain entry to their more intimate personality.
We observe their handling of situations - not least the way they deal
directly with ourselves - and we form an increasingly specific impression
of them. We hear about their interests and are sometimes involved in them.
We discern their attitudes and develop special relationships that link
our common attractions. Soon we are able to create mental scenarios in
which their character fits.
At this point, we are beginning to transcend the physical world. Imperfections
that we have noted in the person are painted out in our mind. The mental
picture is improved and adjusted until, in some cases the person undergoes
such a transformation, that only the fundamentals of our initial attraction
remain recognisable. Now when we see this person, we are applying a mask
of our own creation, built upon a reinterpretation of their character.
When we meet now, we are still physically present in the person's world;
but our reality is not so certain. We form bonds - real and virtual -
and establish criteria to maintain the relationship. For the most part
this is understood, as opposed to being laid down as a set of rules. This
is a two-way situation and the other person is probably operating at the
same level. The relationship can either move up or down in value - no
movement usually equates to down.
The bubble bursts, and the veneer that masks incompatibilities, falls
away. Our expectations are put on trial. If we aimed too high, the fall
is faster and harder. If we maintained a reserve view, it's possible to
re-format the relationship to one that accepts changing conditions. Either
way we have not achieved what we set out to achieve, even though it was
transitory at first. We are always able to live and experience new relationships,
but in some cases emotional scars remain. Even then new relationships
can be still formed, but this additional factor is now present from the
very start.
The world is becoming digital and the way we relate personally to people
is changing. The computer may not yet be complete in terms of human personality,
but the Internet represents the essence of innumerable personalities.
Their views, interests and desires are exposed to the world for everyone
to see. Yet despite this unrepressed display of intimacy, anonymity is
almost assured - both for the presenter and the viewer. A digital relationship
is formed the moment a website is opened and the page is bookmarked.
Just as physical human relationships require and provide feedback to the
individual, so does a website. But this is, at once, both intimate and
controlled. Without any of the emotional baggage initially carried by
people, a sense of freedom is instantly achieved. Thus digital communication
can bypass many inhibitions, and emails, the innumerable message boards
and newsgroups do precisely this. The language of digital communication
is uninhibited, expressive, supportive, informative, emotional and continual.
Digital messages thus have the power to shock or presume a familiarity
that has not had time to be fully established.
Digital relationships last as long as the value is seen to be present.
They may be as intimate as personal human relationships, but they can
be terminated without forewarning. They may exist as a means of obtaining
information of any kind and at any level. The statement "a cat may look
at a king" has a greater truth on the Internet than anywhere else. For
a king may well be answering an email with guaranteed anonymity. So with
inhibitions cast aside, all the information obtained and the intimacy
presented within digital letters, a human personal relationship can be
engaged in using the experience gained from a cyber relationship.
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